Friday, April 25, 2008

Dear Lost Producers...

I haven't forgotten about the following. Have you?

The question mark burned into the ground that Locke saw. Why would any Dharma person do that?

The pipes from that hatch that sent log reports nowhere. Was the Hatch stuff all a ruse?

The numbers. Why were they being broadcast from the island when Rousseau's ship crashed?

The quarantine. Ain't nobody sick.

The Blast door map. Why would a guy who worked for Dharma be trying to figure out where all the Dharma stations are located?

The Other's Pillar of Smoke. What was that? They seem pretty civilized now. Why burn things?

The Supply Drops. How can these happen but seasoned Helicopter pilots from the frieghter can't even fly near the island without crashing?

Disappering dead bodies. Jack's dad. Eko's brother. Kevin Inman.

Most of these questions come from season 2. Which I haven't forgotten. Have you?

Also, I would comment on last night's episode but my wife hasn't seen it yet. But I will say: DANG.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sports Fans.

This is funny.

On that same subject: An open letter to Disney

Dear Disney,

Why do you hate parents? We are your bread and butter. We are the ones who use our money to buy your DVDs and support your amusement parks. And yet, here is a brief run down of the situation as I see it:

Bambi: Parent Killed.
Snow White: One parent, evil. Tries to cut out stepdaughter's heart.
Cinderella: Parents dead.
Dumbo: One parent. Placed in solitary confinement for "anger issues."
Peter Pan: No parents.
Sleeping Beauty: Too boring to watch.
Jungle Books: Parents leave child in Jungle.
Aristocats: One parent.
The Rescuers: No parents.
Little Mermaid: One parent. Calypso numbers.
Dinosaur: Parents hit by comet.
Aladdin: No parents.
Tarzan: See Jungle Book.
Finding Nemo: Parent dies.
Toy Story: One parent.
Lion King: Parent dies.

I mean, c'mon guys! You can't expect us parents to keep buying these DVDs if every time we put one in the player one of our own comes to a grisly end. It's just basic marketing. Can we get one complete set of parents that can stay alive for 85 minutes? At the very least.

Also, stop unreleasing movies. That doesn't make sense. Then stop rereleasing them and charging 30 bucks for them. I know how much a blank DVD costs. Also, nobody's watching that lame second disc of sketches on a napkin that were for the "bossa nova" version of "Kiss the Girl", so quit charging 15 extra bucks for that crap.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Finding Nemo: Horror Movie?

Let's pretend you're a producer of children's films and I walk into your office with an idea for a great new kids movie. I'd say, "Hey, I've got a great idea for a kid's movie. Here's how it would play out." And then I'd launch into my pitch.

First, we open on a happy young couple, who've just bought a new house and are celebrating the pending arrival of their babies. A giant fanged, horrifying monster instantly appears and eats the mom and the children. One baby survives, but he's got a "gimpy" arm.

After this trauma, the Dad becomes a nervous wreck, moves to a secluded new home and raises his injured child alone in fear and isolation.

The kid rebels from this lifestyle for 2 seconds, trying to show his Dad that the world is not a horrifying deadly place. As he does so, he is instantly grabbed by giant faceless men with loud breathing apparatus, placed into a bag, and is whisked away.

The mortified Dad then tries to follow the abductors, but the only person who offers to help him is a woman who has a mental illness akin to short term memory loss.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You'd say, "This sounds like a terrifying movie"

Hold on, I'd say. At that point a giant monster with three rows of teeth appears and is driven insane with bloodlust when the mentally ill woman accidentally cuts herself. The monster chases them through an old abandoned submerged submarine surrounded by mines, which explode.

Meanwhile, the captured kid is put into a cell with other insane people, like a woman who talks to herself in the mirror.

By this point you would stop me and tell me to get out of your office, or point me to the horror movie producer down the hall.

Seriously, I think this movie actually shows that the Dad fish was right, the ocean is a terrifying place and you may get eaten or horribly mangled just by swimming out too far. Besides the pot smoking turtles, pretty much everyone else they came across on their trek were terrifying beasts intent on destroying or devouring them.

See horror movie-like photo evidence below.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

LOST: Libby with the blankets.

So, one last LOST thought for the day. Remember in the last episode, how Michael was in the hospital after crashing his car? And Libby came in to bring him blankets, and then Michael woke up and it was a bad dream? I just heard an interesting theory on that from a Lost podcast.

Apparently, when Michael's dreaming, the medical equipment is different than when he's awake. It's older and more dated. Check the pics below. The theory I heard says that this wasn't just a dream, that this actually happened and Libby was his nurse the first time he broke his back getting hit by a car, way back in Season 1's flashback.


LOST: Alternate opening

My friend Robert posted this in the comments section, but it was so funny I had to give it it's own post. Someone made a new LOST show opening with a new theme song and everything that is hilarious. Check it out here.