Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Finding Nemo: Horror Movie?

Let's pretend you're a producer of children's films and I walk into your office with an idea for a great new kids movie. I'd say, "Hey, I've got a great idea for a kid's movie. Here's how it would play out." And then I'd launch into my pitch.

First, we open on a happy young couple, who've just bought a new house and are celebrating the pending arrival of their babies. A giant fanged, horrifying monster instantly appears and eats the mom and the children. One baby survives, but he's got a "gimpy" arm.

After this trauma, the Dad becomes a nervous wreck, moves to a secluded new home and raises his injured child alone in fear and isolation.

The kid rebels from this lifestyle for 2 seconds, trying to show his Dad that the world is not a horrifying deadly place. As he does so, he is instantly grabbed by giant faceless men with loud breathing apparatus, placed into a bag, and is whisked away.

The mortified Dad then tries to follow the abductors, but the only person who offers to help him is a woman who has a mental illness akin to short term memory loss.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" You'd say, "This sounds like a terrifying movie"

Hold on, I'd say. At that point a giant monster with three rows of teeth appears and is driven insane with bloodlust when the mentally ill woman accidentally cuts herself. The monster chases them through an old abandoned submerged submarine surrounded by mines, which explode.

Meanwhile, the captured kid is put into a cell with other insane people, like a woman who talks to herself in the mirror.

By this point you would stop me and tell me to get out of your office, or point me to the horror movie producer down the hall.

Seriously, I think this movie actually shows that the Dad fish was right, the ocean is a terrifying place and you may get eaten or horribly mangled just by swimming out too far. Besides the pot smoking turtles, pretty much everyone else they came across on their trek were terrifying beasts intent on destroying or devouring them.

See horror movie-like photo evidence below.


Angela said...

LOL! Wes! This is some funny stuff, man. I've heard several parents say that Finding Nemo was a bit too traumatic for their children to watch. Funny, it's completely lost on my children. It DOES have a happy ending though. And have you ever seen real pictures of the angler fish? It looks just like the thing in the cartoon. FREAKY.

Erin said...

I love Finding Nemo. And Robin only realized yesterday (after 300 viewings) that Nemo's mom was eaten by a barracuda - and only because I told her. Ange, the angler fish and others like it were the inspiration for Wes' Crazy Creatures in the Sea. One of my favorite songs.

Angie said...

I thought of that song when we first saw the movie years ago. We used to just skip the scene with the barracuda since it startled me so I thought it would scare the kids. But, eventually you watch it for the 500th time and you forget to stay in the room to skip the first scene. So far Daniel and Maggie haven't had any nightmares in which their mom is eaten by a swimming monster. The biggest thing I bring up when we watch the movie is how Nemo's disobedience got him caught by the diver. Daniel and Maggie are pretty obedient children, not sure if I can credit that to Finding Nemo though.

Angela said...

Yes, Angie, but it's his dad's overbearing fear and control that drives Nemo to disobey! ;)

I do love Crazy Creatures, too. It always made me think of angler fish.

holly said...

wes, if you want some real horror, go see "finding nemo" on ice at the columbus civic center. basically it is the entire movie, soundtrack and all, played over the sound system and the characters played by ice capades people in fish outfits. it is really long. the popcorn costs $10. i'm not kidding.
i almost plunged myself headfirst off the balcony onto the ice.

holly said...

ps. evan was really disturbed by the fish death. but he also really related to nemo. so much so that he got a nemo bedspread. and i had to take him to the ice capades.

Angie said...

I hear you, Angela. I purposefully omitted Marlin's fault in the situation. We'll get around to that some other viewing ;) My kids know that their parents make mistakes. I always try to make sure I apologize to my children when I have messed up.

Daniel and Maggie play Finding Nemo on the Leapster. They are forever telling me about the crazy fish that they learn about. I don't know if we have played Crazy Creatures for them yet.