Thursday, April 17, 2008
On that same subject: An open letter to Disney
Why do you hate parents? We are your bread and butter. We are the ones who use our money to buy your DVDs and support your amusement parks. And yet, here is a brief run down of the situation as I see it:
Bambi: Parent Killed.
Snow White: One parent, evil. Tries to cut out stepdaughter's heart.
Cinderella: Parents dead.
Dumbo: One parent. Placed in solitary confinement for "anger issues."
Peter Pan: No parents.
Sleeping Beauty: Too boring to watch.
Jungle Books: Parents leave child in Jungle.
Aristocats: One parent.
The Rescuers: No parents.
Little Mermaid: One parent. Calypso numbers.
Dinosaur: Parents hit by comet.
Aladdin: No parents.
Tarzan: See Jungle Book.
Finding Nemo: Parent dies.
Toy Story: One parent.
Lion King: Parent dies.
I mean, c'mon guys! You can't expect us parents to keep buying these DVDs if every time we put one in the player one of our own comes to a grisly end. It's just basic marketing. Can we get one complete set of parents that can stay alive for 85 minutes? At the very least.
Also, stop unreleasing movies. That doesn't make sense. Then stop rereleasing them and charging 30 bucks for them. I know how much a blank DVD costs. Also, nobody's watching that lame second disc of sketches on a napkin that were for the "bossa nova" version of "Kiss the Girl", so quit charging 15 extra bucks for that crap.