Thursday, April 17, 2008

On that same subject: An open letter to Disney

Dear Disney,

Why do you hate parents? We are your bread and butter. We are the ones who use our money to buy your DVDs and support your amusement parks. And yet, here is a brief run down of the situation as I see it:

Bambi: Parent Killed.
Snow White: One parent, evil. Tries to cut out stepdaughter's heart.
Cinderella: Parents dead.
Dumbo: One parent. Placed in solitary confinement for "anger issues."
Peter Pan: No parents.
Sleeping Beauty: Too boring to watch.
Jungle Books: Parents leave child in Jungle.
Aristocats: One parent.
The Rescuers: No parents.
Little Mermaid: One parent. Calypso numbers.
Dinosaur: Parents hit by comet.
Aladdin: No parents.
Tarzan: See Jungle Book.
Finding Nemo: Parent dies.
Toy Story: One parent.
Lion King: Parent dies.

I mean, c'mon guys! You can't expect us parents to keep buying these DVDs if every time we put one in the player one of our own comes to a grisly end. It's just basic marketing. Can we get one complete set of parents that can stay alive for 85 minutes? At the very least.

Also, stop unreleasing movies. That doesn't make sense. Then stop rereleasing them and charging 30 bucks for them. I know how much a blank DVD costs. Also, nobody's watching that lame second disc of sketches on a napkin that were for the "bossa nova" version of "Kiss the Girl", so quit charging 15 extra bucks for that crap.


Angie said...

The Incredibles has both parents. They even work through some marital issues during the movie.

holly said...

one perk in sleeping beauty is that the prince fights with the shield of faith--it has a cross on it.
little mermaid, while i am partial to redheaded merpeople, seems to be the first example of disney being a little fishy. there are some questionable items in ariel's treasure trove if you look closely. she runs around in her scivies all the time. and she's awfully disobedient, resulting in her dad being turned into a seamonkey.
recently i had been planning to write on things children don't understand in cartoons, so i'm glad to know this is a wave of the spirit...:)